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Teaching My Son About Sex and Marriage…

UGH – the whole sex thing.  It is not easy to give Biblical counsel in today’s society.  Nearly everything the Bible says about sex and marriage seems to go against the feelings of today.

And, of course, being divorced myself, I can basically only be an “expert” on what NOT to do.  However, I know that “my Maker is my husband”, and HE will guide me as I guide my son.

Of course, to teach about sex when using the Bible, it also has to be taught alongside marriage.  They go together in God’s Word

So, here are some verses I have shared with him over the past few years…

  • 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 – Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

Basically, when I read this, it tells me that not only does God want us to FLEE from sexual immorality, He sees is as a special kind of sin – our bodies are the temple of His spirit, and, it almost seems like we are dragging the Holy Spirit into the sexual sin.  We have to teach our kids to high tail it away from sexual temptation, and most importantly, we have to teach them not to walk headlong into it!

  • 1 Thessalonians 4:1-18 – Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; …

It’s about self-control.  While the world tells us we have sexual needs that must be met, the Word tells us that we are completely capable of exhibiting self-control.  We can act with holiness and honor.  I think those two words would be a wonderful prayer to pray over and over for my son – Lord, I pray that my son conducts his life for you in holiness and honor.  How can he go wrong?

  • Ephesians 5:1-33 – Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. …

Not only does God make it clear that we are to live purely with our bodies, we should even steer away from sexual jokes and the like.  Instead, we can spend that time praising and giving thanks to Him! Clearly, even dirty jokes and sexual talk cheapens what God designed sex to be.

  • Matthew 5:27-28 – “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart

Not only do we have to guard our bodies and our mouths, we also need to guard our hearts and minds! Jesus makes it so clear – if you start thinking sexual thoughts about another person, you have already committed that sexual sin.  That one is difficult, and is in complete opposition of society!  Our young people will have a much harder time of this than we did when we were younger.  There is sexually stimulating sites everywhere you look.

  • Genesis 2:24 – Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Both physically and symbolically, sex binds together a man and a woman in marriage.  God created it for marriage.  Sex is clearly an important part of marriage.

  • Proverbs 5:18-19 – Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.

Wow – God has no problem with you enjoying sex in marriage.  Actually, He wants you to really enjoy it – be intoxicated with it!

  • But you say, “Why does he not?” Because theLord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. “For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”

God expects you NOT to divorce.  He does not see it as okay, because you two fight too much.  God says that not only are you one, you and your wife, but a portion of your union is made up of the Holy Spirit.  The Holy Spirit seems to be very intertwined in marriage and in our bodies and what we do with them. I really find it interesting that God says if you divorce your wife, you are covering your garment with violence.  That part is perplexing, so I did a little research.  Turns out, even hating your wife fits in here – not just divorcing her.  WOW!  The language translations sometimes get a little lost.  The same goes for the word violence – in maybe a little better translation, it means oppression, wickedness, cruelty, or damage.

There is a lot more in the Bible about sex and marriage, but these are just some verses that are kind of quick and easy to teach to our kids.

HERE is the hard part, though.  WE HAVE TO LIVE THIS WAY, AS WELL!  We have to turn the TV, put down the book, not buy the magazine if there are sexually suggestive images, words, jokes, or talk.  WHAT?  What does that leave us?  Not a lot.  It leaves us with a few programs, some books, and very few video games.  It requires us to have the knee jerk response to turn the channel, flip the page with the ad, advert our eyes at the sexually stimulating vision, whatever it may be – and then explain (sometimes uncomfortably) to our kids why we do that.

Then, we have to live a sexually pure life.  Yep.  Sadly, many Christians have decided to just ignore this.  There was definitely a time in my life when I did.  But, as my son got older, and as God taught me through some extremely dark and painful experiences, I realized that the only way for me to teach my son to live a life in Christ was to actually do it myself.  So, I have to be the opposite of culture.  It makes dating really hard.  Not too many men will be interested in a woman who is 47 and saving herself for marriage.  Haha! Yet, I found no place in the Bible that told me it was okay because I am now an adult.  Nowhere did it say that a single mom or a widow got a special pass.

So, each of those verses above, they are as much for me as they are my son.  He is just stepping out into this world – I have been in it a long time.  I can teach him from my mistakes – that seems to be the way I teach him most often – with prayers that he does not make the same mistakes I did.  As he grows older, I am more and more honest with him about my mistakes.  I do not force details on him in any way, but as he matures, if he asks, I do my best to be honest – while keeping in mind I am, first and foremost, his mother, and that some things need to remain private.

However, I want to stand before my God, and before my son, and say that I have learned, and that remaining pure is what God expects. If I can do it, anyone can.

I have told my son, time and again, there are plenty of things out there that prevent pregnancy, and plenty of things out there that prevent disease, but they have yet to create something that will protect your heart and your mind.  God designed sex for marriage.  When we abuse it, as with anything else that we abuse, there are consequences. Our hearts and our minds will be damaged – they can be repaired, yes, but it will leave scars.

I have never met anyone who waited until they were married say they regretted doing so – and I have never met anyone who remained faithful to their husband or wife to say they wish they had been with other people.  Too bad our world does not do a better job of sharing those kinds of stories.

If you have one of those kinds of stories, please share! It would be such an amazing testimony to my son and to countless others.

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